Friday, February 11, 2011

Cracks of Light

There's a song by the Pathological Lovers that starts:

"The shortest month,
Is by far the longest.
You've got to be at your strongest,
In the Wednesday of the year."

I find it very comforting. More than that. By the time the singer howls, "F*ck you, February, F*ck you" I'm right there with a "Hell ya!"

Sorry about all the profanity, folks. February does that to me.

I'm a pretty upbeat person, but this time of year just gets to me. It's really cold. There's a lot of snow down and more coming. Where I live, it could conceivably be well into April before it even starts to melt. It's dark. I have a cold.

I don't see my friends as much, because the weather makes it so hard to get around. Same reason keeps me from running outside, or being outside at all. Every little thing seems to take more work and I just feel drained all the time. Being so tired, I don't work on any projects. I don't cook or bake as much. I don't do any of the things I derive so much satisfaction and pride from. So I start to feel low from that. I know I'm not going to make most of my goals for February.

Depressed yet? I know I am.

If you're not familiar with Free Will Astrology ( you should really check it out, regardless of your belief or lack there of in astrology. These horoscopes are not vague predictors, but rather starting points for introspection. My horoscope for February is particularly apt:

"In Leonard Cohen's song, "Anthem" he sings, "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in" from what I can tell, Virgo, the weeks ahead will be one of the best times all year for welcoming the light that comes through he cracks"

Hell ya.

Knowing how rough February is for me makes it all the more important that I focus on the bright spots. I don't think I'll ever feel happy-go-lucky in February, but I should be able to find a way to be a little happy for the things that make me so lucky.

1. Valentine's Day. Even when I was single I didn't understand how people could be so opposed to it. At it's worst, it's a day filled with sweets and chocolate. At it's best, it's a giddy explosion of pink and red sparkles raining down on that downy-warm feeling of being loved.

2. Longjohns. Wearing ridiculous t-shirts to work. (under sweaters, so no one knows, but still). Sweaters.

3. Soup. Oatmeal. Chili. Stew. Any warm, soft meal in a bowl.

4. I have a hot water bottle that has a cover that makes it look like a stuffed frog. But it's a hot water bottle.

5. Those times my friends and I make the effort to get together. It means more because it's harder.

Ok, so five is not a lot, but it's a pretty good start.